I'm writing this post on the twenty-first day of April, rather than the day in March it should have been friends with.
Shit happens. This is a lesson that I am learning to be conscious of. It repeats often.
Typically when this lesson rears its head, I panic. I lose all sense of comfort, joy, and, honestly, sanity. I don't deal with failure, poor conditions and predicaments, and negativity well. I just don't. What are some of my results? Loss of sleep, completely ignoring a project (365), and losing sight of my goals.
I can't tell you how long I've been under that haze in my absence on this blog. It wouldn't be truthful to say that it had been the entire time. Despite the bad days or times of angst, I had happy days. I had joy. I had bliss.
What I didn't have was movement. Movement is essential. It is proceeding even when you're unsure of your steps. It is the difference in the number on a scale. It is the determination behind a relationship. The yes or no in a decision.
I am both terrified of and in love with movement.
This is something that has smacked me in the face in an assortment of ways.
The first being academically. Typically, I am the first to jump on an opportunity. I live by my email notifications. This has helped me often when it comes to seeking insight and networking. It has also harmed me in the sense that I like to move towards things without really thinking them through. I still don't know what I want to do with my life post-college and that terrifies me.
When it comes to romantic relationships, movement and I do not get along. Every move scares me or annoys me. At this point, I don't think being in one is for me. More to come on that later.
I feel like I'm droning on at this point, so I'll let those serve as my most prominent examples.
What I want for myself and anyone reading this to take away is that movement must happen. Why? Because the world is always moving! You might as well push forward and keep going. Movement, while scary, is healthy. It's renewing. It's full of surprises. It is not static. It is not the end of the world. IT may not always be pleasant, but it has to happen.
Here's to moving forward with this 365 day journey. Here's to movement towards bettering myself. Movement in my decision on relationships. Movement into the future. Movement out of my sophomore year of college. Movement into new adventures, new people, or events with the same people and setting.
I can't end this post truthfully without acknowledging the person who inspired me to get back to my writing. Young Thug's Digits jolted me out of my complacency. It was much needed. For anyone else out there struggling with movement, "why not risk life when it's gon keep goin"?
After all, hustlers don't stop, they keep going. While I may not have it together now, I will and that will serve as all the inspiration I need. That and every single mixtape Young Thug has ever graced.